Monday, January 24, 2005
We always have Texas Tavern to perk things up
Ben Beagle
The aging, semi-hysterical retired reporter rides shotgun with the greatest station wagon driver of them all down the rocky road of life. Mondays in the paper's Extra section, steady as she goes.
Recent columns
I never liked January very much - although it is one of the few Spanish words I'm certain of using. After two years of high school Spanish and two years of college Spanish, I know that "enero" is January in Spanish.
I also know that "julio" is July and "mantequilla" is butter, but I'm not here to show off this morning. Despite the fact that I also know "se–or" means "mister."
It's the bad news that we have to contend with as the year starts - probably producing a drought in mid-julio.
Heartbreak of heartbreaks
It really hurt me - now that the Christmas tree is down and the dog is no longer threatening to eat it - to hear that Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt broke up.
I didn't know they were together, but it's still kind of sad.
I saw a recent picture of old Brad and Jennifer. He's cut his hair and that's always a good sign.
I wouldn't know Jennifer if I met her at the Texas Tavern for three or four of those lovely little hamburgers.
And it worries me that the Texas Tavern will be younger than I am when it celebrates its 75th anniversary next month.
And, aside from Brad and his hairdo, I am worrying about a very weird sound from the furnace - kind of like Desi Arnaz playing his drums.
Never cared for old Desi myself.
It gets worse
Did you ever think for a moment that Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake wouldn't get engaged? Gee. No wonder I can't sleep nights.
Cameron, in case you haven't followed the "Charlie's Angels" movies, is this skinny blond girl who giggles so much that you'd like to hit her in the mouth with a shovel.
And heaven knows what J. Lo is up to these days.
I would like to say that among "Charlie's Angels," I prefer Drew Barrymore.
She can't act but at least she has some meat on her bones. And a nice head of hair.
Good old Justin Timberlake. He's the dude who ripped off half of Janet Jackson's top at the Super Bowl last year and called it a "wardrobe malfunction."
I've recently done some research on that incident, and I have found that Justin was supposed to rip off one layer of Janet's costume to reveal a red lace bra.
This in itself would have been enough to drive the Federal Communications Commission wild - in addition to giving it something to do.
How would you like to see your children glimpse a red lace bra at the halftime of the Super Bowl?
Hey, pal. My children would have been asleep.
Let's just hope February will be better.
Even if we have to suffer through Valentine's Day.
