A conversation with . . .

Toscano

Writer and actor Peterson Toscano spent 17 years and $30,000 trying to stop being gay, eventually ending up in a sort of Christian rehabilitation camp.

Finally, though, enough was enough, and Toscano was able to accept his homosexuality. He has since become, among other accomplishments, the first openly gay person to perform in Cameroon , West Africa , where homosexuality is illegal. He is now touring the United States and beyond, performing his one-man comedy, "Doin’ Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House," an account of his days inside the Christian "ex-gay movement." On the eve of two Blacksburg performances, Toscano shares some thoughts about religion, faith, theater and not letting the man get you down.

Can you tell me about how you ended up in the halfway house?

Peterson Toscano: I started my little odyssey on the ex-gay underground railroad when I was 17. And I became a born-again Christian living up in New York , and that journey took me all over the world, trying to get straight. I went to counselors. Ex-gay support groups. I had a couple of exorcisms to drive the bad evil perverted demons out of my life. … But finally I so understood that it was not working, and that’s when I took on drastic measures and enrolled in the "Love In Action" ex-gay program, in Memphis , Tenn. And I was there for nearly two years.

That’s a pretty good comment on the current state of our society.

P.T.: It’s all about the American dream and who has it and who doesn’t. And if you’re not a straight white male, you don’t get as much of the dream as you would like. The biggest number of clients in these programs are white males. And I think it had a lot to do with white male privilege, but that’s usually a topic that’s too confusing for most people to wrap their brains around.

Is this program part of a larger national or international organization?

P.T.: There’s this large Christian organization called "Exodus." Basically we’re like the slaves of Egypt escaping the horrible gay lifestyle. … They loosely oversee hundreds of ex-gay ministries, many of which are once-a-week drop-in support centers while others are full-flung recovery programs where people live. And that’s what I attended. … This is just one of many programs, and … right now it’s all over the news because they now have targeted young people. It was always just adults who would impose this insanity upon themselves, but now they want to open the doors for everyone so they have a youth program. Parents, instead of sending their kids to band camp, they can go to "ex-gay camp."

For kids who seem to be exhibiting characteristics like they’re going to be gay, or you think they are gay, you can send them off and have it taken care of.

P.T.: A little reprogramming, straighten the kid out for his own good. … I can actually understand for some parents … who might just be thinking, "Oh my gosh, I want to save my kid from this horrible lifestyle that I’ve been hearing about from my preacher every Sunday morning." I think some of the parents are really sincere in that. And they’re sincerely wrong.

What were you doing with your career before you got into the program?

P.T.: I was living in New York City for most of this time. I went to the University of New York and studied theater. I really really wanted to be an actor and a playwright. Got my degree at City College , New York . They have a great theater program there. And I started doing some professional avant garde theater in New York . And I felt, "Oh my gosh, I can’t do this. I’m ex-gay and I’m trying to keep myself clean and I’m surrounded by homosexuals. The devil keeps putting me in plays with homosexuals." Little did I know that most actors in New York are homosexuals. So it was really not the devil, it was just geography. Sorry to those four straight actors in New York — I didn’t mean to slander you in any way. So I literally gave up on theater. I said, "It’s either follow Jesus or have my career, and Jesus is more important." … So I lived in New York and got married to a woman when I was 25. The church said that God could do anything and we believed it. We believed in miracles, and our marriage would have to be a miracle since I was not attracted to women. And that was very painful and difficult and ended in disaster. But before that happened, I became a missionary to Zambia and I did radio work in Zambia , radio drama, which got me back into doing some theater and some writing. But being a man with a same-sex attraction living in Zambia , working for a Christian mission, it was just a set-up. I was outed in Africa — not the film "Out of Africa ," but like the sequel. And I had to flee the country because you can’t be gay in Zambia , at least not at that time. It was just illegal. That’s when I got involved with the "Love In Action" program at that point, toward the end of my 17-year odyssey.

So how did you begin writing about your experiences?

P.T.: I lived in a Biblically-induced coma. … I came to my senses in ’99 and I said, "This does not work, you’re lying to yourself and everybody else." … I came out and really had to negotiate my faith and my same-sex attraction and began to write for theater. The first piece I wrote was called "Footprints: An Inspirational Comedy," a comic meditation on the inspirational poem "Footprints in the Sand." … The queer thing didn’t come up, it was just good theater that was funny and had a good message to it, so people liked it. … "Doin’ Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House" is now a six-character, one-person satire on the ex-gay movement. It’s very funny. My goal is to make people laugh until they are about to do injury to themselves. And then when they’re in that very open state, I bring that very powerful poignant moment that really humanizes the queer experience and also exposes the pain of someone trying desperately to be something other than themselves.

Peterson Toscano will perform Tuesday as part of "Let Love Choose: A Quaker Witness for Marriage Equality," on Henderson Lawn in Blacksburg at 2 p.m. Toscano will perform "Doin’ Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House: How I Survived the Ex-Gay Movement" July 7 in the Squires Student Center at Virginia Tech. For info rmation visit www.fgcquaker.org, www.p2son.com or www.homonomo.com.

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